Mom thoughts 101

Being buried alive and sharing a bed with a toddler and infant have one thing in common: every time you breath you lose space until you can’t breathe anymore. At least they’re cute! #momslife 

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If you think two’s are terrible …

For those who have not experienced Transforming Three’s, I urge you to spend each day loving your pudgy thighed toddler before they merge into a three-year-old. Three is when it hits the fan, or at least it’s been my experience, my mothers, and mother-in-laws that three is the most horrific age. Why? So glad you asked. A developmental specialist would tell you that it’s because their world is expanding, they are finding their own way and will naturally protest when restricted by rules enforced by you or even gravity. What they mean by protest is to scream, throw things, say nasty things, hit people and sometimes, intentionally make themselves sick to spite you. This sweet little baby that gave kisses and was the center of your universe has become something you fear. He’s the reason you’re hiding in the bathroom reading this post. A supernatural evil force has overtaken your child. It’s called independence. That’s why I call them Transforming Three’s because it’s the age where they transform, instantly from a sweetie-pie to a monster. The scariest thing is this can be turned on and off within a seconds notice. Like a light switch.

Now, don’t get me wrong. While my third three-year-old is fighting me on potty training, wearing clothes, eating anything aside from Nutella and well, everything else. He is also hilarious and brilliant. I love watching his world expand. Before a toy horse was simply a horse, now the adventure that unfolds with that little horse in his hand amazes me! The other day, he explained that his cowboy hat which is flat on the top (that’s the style it is) got flattened when a log fell on him. Now, as untrue as all this was, it amazed me that he could put such a far out story together that was somewhat reasonable. If that makes sense. He has the most fascinating mind and it is such a blessing to watch him grow.

Three is horrible. Three is amazing. I have yet to experience the teen years, I’m sure I’ll be equally horrified. But this is my rant on the toddler years. Good luck and God bless to those who have endured and are enduring. Go buy yourself something nice, you deserve it and Happy New Year!

Motherhood=DUI from the universe.

Motherhood is something like a DUI from the universe or that’s what I once heard a comedian say. Maybe not motherhood, but pregnancy sure is! It’s sometimes like being drunk (nausea and intense mood swings) without the joy of going to the party. Like a DUI, there is no drinking, no hanging out with friends, no extra nothing. It can feel like you’re living on a work permit, go to work and come home. Some of us don’t even have to leave home to work so … bummer. Much like a DUI, it’s a great time to reflect on your life and choices you’ve made. I think anyone who has experienced labor can honestly say they’ve wondered just how the hell they wound up there. I certainly have. While serving our time, friends fall away because you don’t have anything in common, date nights no longer seems important and shopping malls are just a hassle that you’re not going into unless you have to. Unlike a DUI, motherhood is packed with amazing blessings. My toddler always comes into bed with us and this morning I had rolled away from him so pretty soon I felt his little arms wrap around my head. It’s the most precious feeling in the world when your baby wants to hold you, when they say, “I love you,” or give a kiss without prompting. Their smiles, laughter, and dirty faces make every missed outing and lost friend a nonissue.

Motherhood is a great and terrible responsibility. My father always says, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” Sometimes that makes me glow with pride and other times I wonder if he could possibly put more pressure on me. Of course, he means it as a good thing, that my job is very important and as a reminder that it’s not an easy job or one that should be taken lightly. Motherhood takes everything you’ve got. It’s not a job for sissies and not everyone will make it. Mothers and fathers abandon their children every day because they can’t hack it. We’re the finalist.We’re the victors. We look at sharpie covered walls and don’t flinch because we know that it’s not about us. A sharpie in the hand of a toddler is rarely a reflection of our parenting but one of our child’s growing creativity. Of course, it doesn’t always feel that way, half time it feels like they hate us and want to torture us … or is that just me? They don’t. With my first kid, I thought everything was rebellion and now with my third, I know a fight when I see one and I know when I just need to hug him and let him fall asleep in my arms. There’s a difference and  part of our jobs is to decern which is which. Nobody said it would be easy and those who act like being a mother is nothing need to be throat-punched.

Anyhow, I wanted to say Happy Mother’s day to all of those serving a life sentence with me and hope I made you smile or encouraged you a little today. If us mothers don’t have each other’s backs, who will? We all have the same goal: raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults and it’s a very daunting task, but you’re doing a great job!

Happy Mother’s day! Here’s a bouquet in case you -like me- didn’t get one.

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Having done all … STAND

I have disappeared from the blogosphere for a little while, not for any special reason but mostly because I have been working on my second women’s fiction novel. The first one is still in an endless cycle of editing, my frienditors (friend editors -my new word) with editing backgrounds have been assisting me, although it seems that life gets busy and my project gets dropped and I am back searching for someone with the knowledge I need to help get this book published! Anyhow, I’ve been reading about social media and advertising in an effort to not only survive this process but to thrive. I am the kind of person that wants to do everything I do well and this marketing thing is so far beyond me that I am reluctant to even touch it even though I know it’s the best way for me to share my work with the world.

What I have learned in the past year is that; one: writing the book is easy.

Two: Finding vanity publishers and people that “want” to help is easy, sifting through and finding anyone credible IS the hard part.

Three: There is  a vast community of people like me out there and they are pretty much the coolest people I’ve ever seen! I’ve searched for nearly a year to find the people I need to not only get me on the right track but offer some sense in a world so full of essentially meaningless information that I cringe upon googling anything knowing that I am about to be pelted with more information that I can possibly consume, much less anything that will actually benefit me.

Anyhow, this post isn’t to offer any huge amount of guidance but encouragement. I am reminded of this time and time again, not only in my writing but when I can’t figure out how to teach one of my children, or if potty training will ever happen, or even when the bills are due and there is no money. I know that I have put the best of me into all of my work and there is nothing left to do but stand. It’s the hardest thing to do, I want to push harder, blog/tweet/whatever more but most of the time, the best thing to do it wait. Wait for the right person to point you in the right direction. Wait for the child to mature enough to get it. Let’s face it, sometimes we’re not as ready as we want to be to be pushed over the edge. Sometimes we are the stubborn child clinging to the diapers they’ve had all their lives unable to let go of that security and face the world in big girl undies.

Most of my references go back to motherhood because it’s what I have experience in. It is by far the most challenging but rewarding job I have ever taken on. Nothing in my life has ever pushed me so much, out of my comfort zone and sometimes out of my mind … but it’s the love between my children and me  (and my writing) that I cannot quite comprehend that keeps me going and it is a never ending opportunity to learn and grow.  In all my research I have also learned that I need to stop worrying so much about having the perfect thing to say and acknowledge that I, along with anyone reading this, are human and with that come imperfections so I am going to try to bring out ‘me’ more and quiet the doubting voices in my head.

So whether it is a stubborn toddler, a new move or change in any area of life. Security is security, whether it’s a binky or that terrifying ‘publish’ button, there is a moment when we’ll be ready to take the plunge. Until then, we stand.

It’s a lion fight

As I grab a rare nap with my toddler, I turn on old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. The Chief is famous (with me, at least) for his one liners that change perspective and encourage his interns and residents. He tells the down and out, Dr. Stevens, after a big loss that she’s in a lion fight and just because she lost, doesn’t mean that she can’t roar. Or something along those lines. I stopped long enough to let the words sink in and thought, wow! I feel like that all the time! Like I’m outwitted, outweighed and so on, that I often lose sight of the fact that I am still a lion! It’s just an analogy, I know that, but it hits home so much as I struggle to find my place as a writer, mother, wife, sister, friend… yes, the list goes on and on.

It’s so easy to focus on the failures and flops, but it’s not so easy to focus or even notice the successes. I have tunnel vision, if it’s not completed then I have not succeeded and have to keep digging and pawing my way to victory. I don’t think this is a bad trait, except that it’s really hard to pull myself out of this and realize that no, I am not perfect. My children aren’t reading at a college level like all other (okay, maybe not all) homeschooled children, my house is not always clean, the remodel is not complete, my grass is too tall with burnt spots, my book is unpublished with no bites on it, but…. BUT I teach my kids to learn through life, through everyday chores, afternoon drives, riding horses and so on. I play with my kids and choose living over cleaning, which by the way, it’s never gross, just a little cluttered from time to time. And, as far as my book, it will get there. I could pay to publish it but I’m not ready for that, if I have to rewrite, polish and shine until it sparkles and someone wants it, I will.

I won’t lose sight of the goal. To raise beautiful, intelligent, independant children who aren’t burnt out on learning and life before they ever start living. I will not lose sight of the fact that my home is an object, not my master and I won’t waste extra time on making it perfect when I could be spending it with my loved ones. I will become a published Author. Hope is… everything. Hope keeps you going even when you think you can’t go anymore because at the end of the day, you are a lion!

Home sweet home!

A recent journey to the ocean to visit family and enjoy some much needed warm weather really got me thinking -in between trips to landmarks, attractions and the beach- about how important it is to take time to spend with your family. The old and the young! My maternal grandparents live across the country from us so, I didn’t get a chance to get to know them very well while I was growing up. In fact, I considered traveling cross country in a packed car to be a form of torture but now, as I grow up and am mature enough to realize that time with them is short and I should be taking advantage of it! So, I did! I have learned more about my grandfather in one week than I did in the last few decades!

Aside from learning about memories from my grandfather’s past, I took the time with my mother and my three kids to make new ones and I’ve got to say, although it wasn’t always pleasant (some of my children are rather impossible unless properly fed and watered) we had a great time and got to do things that I hope my children will remember their entire lives! I remember touring Gillette’s Castle with my grandparents as a small child and treasure that memory and am sure that my kids will as well!

Upon returning to my landlocked homestead, we celebrated a great Uncle’s 80th birthday and a family reunion where guitars, violins and pianos were put to great use as they all congregated and enjoyed playing music together like they used to when they were the real homesteaders. I looked at what once would have annoyed me, singing, dancing and spending a day with very extended family, as a blessing for these people, it was so cool to watch a couple that has been married for decades waltzing and totally rocking out!

Anyhow, all of this and the photo are all to remind us to treasure the little moments in life. Gorgeous sunsets should be treasured and old couples and babies should be adored, always!

Baby Blogger

As a first time blogger I am excited to see what will come of this. To me, blogging seems to be the simple act of people writing random things and other people relating with them so here goes nothing!

This is a simple outline of my life and who I am. I am married to an entrepreneur who is, in his words ‘building an empire, honey!’ and have three beautiful children who are my life. I love them more than I ever imagined possible and am blessed to have the ability to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom. It’s a daunting task that I never take lightly. Even now as I write, I am thinking about how I can better present lessons and try to make education enticing! So far, I am thinking about doing classes in costume but fear that they will be more amused by how I look than what I actually am trying to teach them. I believe, thus far anyhow, that the hardest thing about parenting is trying to get them to take you seriously when they know that you are the same person that kisses their boo-boos and chases them through the house as the tickle monster.

Aside from my job as Mom, I am currently trying to publish my first book (women’s fiction) and am finding it rather difficult and well, terrifying. There certainly is a wealth of information! It is a very odd thing to wade through publisher after publisher to find the one that you think fits your needs and then have to submit your work to them and wait anxiously to see if they want to work with you. I have not submitted my work as I am still struggling with the submission guidelines and whether a ‘completed’ manuscript means an edited and polished manuscript or simply that the story is complete and it is ready for editing and polishing!?! Yes, whoa.

At my young age of twenty-five, I am finding that my hobbies and life are not quite off the ground yet and I am excited for the day that I can say I that I started something and finished it successfully. At this moment, I can proudly proclaim that I have a beautiful family and a very fulfilling life and that I am excited to take the next step, whatever that may be.