As I grab a rare nap with my toddler, I turn on old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. The Chief is famous (with me, at least) for his one liners that change perspective and encourage his interns and residents. He tells the down and out, Dr. Stevens, after a big loss that she’s in a lion fight and just because she lost, doesn’t mean that she can’t roar. Or something along those lines. I stopped long enough to let the words sink in and thought, wow! I feel like that all the time! Like I’m outwitted, outweighed and so on, that I often lose sight of the fact that I am still a lion! It’s just an analogy, I know that, but it hits home so much as I struggle to find my place as a writer, mother, wife, sister, friend… yes, the list goes on and on.
It’s so easy to focus on the failures and flops, but it’s not so easy to focus or even notice the successes. I have tunnel vision, if it’s not completed then I have not succeeded and have to keep digging and pawing my way to victory. I don’t think this is a bad trait, except that it’s really hard to pull myself out of this and realize that no, I am not perfect. My children aren’t reading at a college level like all other (okay, maybe not all) homeschooled children, my house is not always clean, the remodel is not complete, my grass is too tall with burnt spots, my book is unpublished with no bites on it, but…. BUT I teach my kids to learn through life, through everyday chores, afternoon drives, riding horses and so on. I play with my kids and choose living over cleaning, which by the way, it’s never gross, just a little cluttered from time to time. And, as far as my book, it will get there. I could pay to publish it but I’m not ready for that, if I have to rewrite, polish and shine until it sparkles and someone wants it, I will.
I won’t lose sight of the goal. To raise beautiful, intelligent, independant children who aren’t burnt out on learning and life before they ever start living. I will not lose sight of the fact that my home is an object, not my master and I won’t waste extra time on making it perfect when I could be spending it with my loved ones. I will become a published Author. Hope is… everything. Hope keeps you going even when you think you can’t go anymore because at the end of the day, you are a lion!